When you have to say, “Goodbye”

Goodbye.
That’s a hard word…especially when you don’t want to say it…or when you’re too eager to say it.

In the fall of 2009 we were preparing to move from Indiana to Oregon.  A church we had started in 2004 had closed.  It was one of the darkest seasons of our life because we found ourselves saying “goodbye” to dreams, hopes, ambitions, and most of all…friends.

For some of our friends it was more of a “see you later.”  For others it was saying “farewell” knowing that we would probably not see them again.

As we prepared to move west we were given wise counsel by Dr. Lois Bushong.  She shared with us the importance of “leaving well” and provided the simple acrostic: R.A.F.T.

Reconcile: Before leaving a job, relocating, transitioning…reconcile with anyone who you have tension with.  Humble yourself and settle a dispute or grudge that lingers within your soul.  It is hard to move on when you are tied down internally. If it means asking for forgiveness, then ask.  If it means offering forgiveness, then offer it.  Bitterness is the galling fruit of a heart that has not been reconciled.

Affirm: Take the initiative to affirm friends, colleagues, neighbors, mentors or key leaders.  Express to them, specifically, what they’ve meant to you.  Doing this before you leave will let you draw from past experiences while they are still fresh in your mind and heart.  You may never see this person face to face again, so use the present opportunity to speak into their soul words of life and encouragement.

Farewell: Let people surround you and say their goodbyes.  The temptation will be to leave when no one is looking.  Offer yourself and others the opportunity of closure. It will probably be uncomfortable, but you won’t regret it.

Think Destination: Let the “next thing” give you perspective.  What is before you?  Where is God leading you?  What are you looking forward to with this transition? Looking forward keeps you from wallowing in the past and gives you the courage to step into the next thing God has for you.

For the most part we did this well.  Our closest friends we had over for dinner, others we took out for coffee, and many more came to our “going away” party.

There were a few relationships that required some time and healing.  Reconciliation couldn’t happen in the time frame that we were given.  I had some resentment that wouldn’t resolve quickly.  Over time though, some hard phone calls were made and we can honestly say we are at peace with all of our friendships in Indiana.

Thankfulness is a thread that can bind together all the patchwork squares of our lives.  Difficult times, happy days, seasons of sickness, hours of bliss – all can be sewn together into something lovely with the thread of thankfulness.

- Adele Ahlberg Calhoun

Embrace Christ, take up your RAFT, and start the journey forward on a healthy step.